Guest Post: The Twenties and the Pressure to Marry!

My sister, Njahira wrote this post for her friend, Mbithe Nzomo’s blog. I have had this conversation with different people, in different forums and been a recipient of this pressure more this year than any other in my life. I’m with Njahira on this one too. There’s truly no need to rush, even though society doesn’t make it easy with all the constant prodding. I believe God makes all things beautiful in His time and trusting him with this crucial life decision is the only way to go.

The gorgeous Isha Sesay from CNN got married earlier this month at 37 years of age. She looked divine- to say the least, not a day older than 21 and as happy as a bride should be! I preach to the choir as I say, REST. It will happen when it happens. Before then, LIVE. You are not an incomplete human being because you haven’t met the Love of your life yet. Squeeze the life out of every moment. Life is beautiful in every season.

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When You’re Mad…

“Heaven has no rage like love to hatred turned, Nor hell a fury like a woman scorned,”

~ Zara in Act III, Scene VIII~

I am not a confrontational person. In fact I hate confrontation. I think this comes with being a sanguine. I do not get easily offended…and I like to think I have a high thresh-hold for irritation-especially in comparison to many women but when I do get angry,it’s not particularly pretty.

Through the years however, I have learnt that some people are the exact opposite of me…very confrontational and actually like to push buttons and see how much you can hold your peace. This is outrightly immature if you ask me. I do not understand why anyone would derive joy from seeing someone else seethe in fury.

The point of this blog-post though is a call-especially to us women folk, to learn/ improve the ways in which we express our feelings when we feel a line has been crossed. How do you express yourself when you’re upset? Do you shrug it off for the moment and bury it deep inside only to take it out on other people? Do you go with the urge to address everything on the spot regardless of the environment or audience? Do you go off in a corner and bawl your eyes out then come out smiling like nothing ever happened? Or are you a down right drama queen who loves a good shouting match?

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I think all the above are wrong ways of dealing with anger-even though many of us have used at least one of these methods. So how do you handle anger like a lady? I honestly think it is a skill. Something that’s learned over time and those little things we would rather not have. Tests. You see, you may go about life all happy and sunny side up but sooner or later something or some one will upset you. Maybe deliberately, mostly not. You feel your usual happy self seething and wanting to explode. You probably get into an argument and they say something that irritates you further. Ohhh…now we’re borderline rage. Your inner Kung-Fu Panda begins to rise up. Ok. Your inner Mr. T. You start to say things which in hindsight, you will certainly regret. Heck you let it all out! Gets really ugly. You probably win the argument and walk away with a little demon dancing on your shoulder and another one patting your back. The little demons make their exit it 3 minutes or 3 years later (depending on the gravity of the isssue) and evil Miss Guilt sets in with her great Aunt Regret. Was it even worth it?

Rarely is.

The Bible has got lots to say about anger;

  • Ephesians 4:26

    “In your anger do not sin”: Do not let the sun go down while you are still angry,  and do not give the devil a foothold.
  • James 1:19-20

    My dear brothers, take note of this: Everyone should be quick to listen, slow to speak and slow to become angry,  for man’s anger does not bring about the righteous life that God desires.
  • Proverbs 29:11

    A fool gives full vent to his anger, but a wise man keeps himself under control.
  • Proverbs 19:11

    A man’s wisdom gives him patience; it is to his glory to overlook an offense.Do not be quickly provoked in your spirit, for anger resides in the lap of fools.

I’ve learnt that in the heat of the moment, we are likely to magnify situations and things seem worse in our heads than they really are. This is why it is crucial to take a step back and desist from addressing the issue UNTIL you’ve had time to calm down and think things through. It is extremely difficult at that moment but I think with practice and God’s help you can get better at it. Communicate your disappointment calmly. Put forward your points in a good tone. One that you would like to be addressed with yourself. Think of this when you’re about to burst out in rage: I am about to make a fool of myself. Not worth it. Not worth it. Not worth it. Breathe. Bite your tounge. Whatever it takes. I usually silently go into Help me Jesus! Help me Jesus! Help me Jesus! mode. My friend says loudly Beauty In!..and breathes in… Nasty Out!..and breathes out. A little dramatic but if it works its good enough! LOL!

Also, I have realized that if you keep voicing anger upon every little irritation…people will not take you seriously. They’ll label you as petty and even when you DO have a valid argument, they will hear you shout but won’t listen.

Anger is an acid…wreaks havoc and destroys whatever it touches-especially the bearer. And I promise, you will get angry. But you can handle it like a boss. Learn the skill. Pass the tests!

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Thankful…

I don’t know about you but this September has been looooong…. Glad its over and that God has been his usual faithful self.

He is such a constant in my life. Moving out of home has made me realize just how much I need God. He never fails. His Love never fails. I was speaking to one of my girls recently and we agreed that often times…even without realizing it, we USE GOD. When life gets turbulent we ran to him for quick fixes but when its all sunny and dandy he takes the sidelines…

I find it so natural to pray and delve deep in His Word and DWELLL in Gods presence when things are thick or I need something but when things are going well…He gets a “hey Daddy! Thank you for today! Help me have a good day! Amen:)” and when the day is done its “Goodnight Lord! I love you.. Zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz” But I am unlearning these bad habits. I am learning to speak to him throughout the day and I tell you the results are amazing! I have discovered afresh just how REAL God is. In everything both BIG and small.

Last Sunday morning was so  beautiful…I even wore a flower in my hair to celebrate the sunshine;) All of a sudden in while in Church though… the weather changed and it began to rain hard! Hailstones! Now if you’ve lived in Eldoret…you know rain means cold and gloom and mud and falling from bodabodas! ha… so I talked to God : “Daddy you know this weave has two weeks to go before we get it off, i’m wearing a skirt and i’m freezing and we’re still working on my kavitz so please make the rain stop”. Get this…by the end of the service (about 10 minutes later) the sun was back up…shinier than before. Maybe i’m easy to please. Ok I AM easy to please…for me its the simple things and my Jesus knows exactly what makes me smile.

As this month closes in, my heart is to the brim with thanksgiving:

  • For life and good health…
  • For my new little house…( yes I moved from the bodaboda route. My other house flooded! haha! Story for another day)
  • That I don’t have to use bodabodas anymore ( My cab guy calls them ‘seatbelt’ because at night when chics are afraid to fall they hold on really tight to the bike guy…and they( not so secretly?) loooovvvee it! LOL!)
  • For my cab guy John…for the price of Ksh. 200/- he has ferried me home in the ugliest of weather and saved my hair from the rain! bless his heart
  • For the little coffee shop at Zion Mall…and their to-die-for Red Velvet cake
  • For my job and my colleagues and my boss…
  • For Tom who does my pedicures and foot massages… *Heaven*
  • For those long phone calls with my friends and fam ( I have become closer to some of my friends since I moved from Nairobi)
  • For my hot water bottle!!( random. I know)
  • For good books & blogs

and for so many other people and things that it would take endless blog posts to put into words…

“Whom have I in heaven but you? And I desire no one on earth as much as you! My health fails; my spirits droop, yet God remains! He is the strength of my heart; he is mine forever!”

Psalm 73:25

Guess who’s back…tell a friend

I have been away for so long it took me sometime to remember my password! Any whooo…I’m back! Do I hear horn & breaking glass? Aaaaah yes! thank you thank you very much….you are far too kind 🙂
Now first order of business is to say thank you to God for giving me a job after QUITE a while…which I had whined about and grumbled and kicked and screamed (silently) and finally… my miracle came. It is quite an awesome testimony! I had shared here that I would come back to say thank you so here it is…THANK YOU JESUS and thank you to everybaaady who prayed for me 🙂 .

I have also moved to a new town…living solo for the first time! Its amazing…and exciting and makes me feel so grown up. When the bills come… I will highfive my landlord and say…here’s to growing up! Ok. Getting carried awaaaaay…
I love Eldoret… I’ve been here for almost a month now and I’ve had quite some interesting experiences. I have seen God’s favor all around me and I feel extrem-uly blessed! Settling in has not been easy but it has been made much MUCH better by some truly God- Sent people!

It gets better… I believe it does.

Coming Together!

My name is Njeri Gitahi and I am one of those bloggers who begins every blog like this: “I beg your absolution dear reader! My ohhhhh my! Forgive me for I should blog more often. I promise on my honour that I will do my duty and blog aaaalllllll the time!” Then proceed to never blog! Again, I am profusely sorry and blame it on procrastination, writer’s block and other horrible vices. Maybe its some twisted form of poetry where every post begins the same way? Hmmm…

This February has been THE month. I can’t believe all that’s happened in the last 23 days! I left my job (On 1st) then I cut my hair (On 3rd) then Whitney died (on 4th), Hon. John Michuki of the rattle snakes died(on 20th), mwana nichi Njenga Karume(on 23rd) died !!! Alright, that’s the melodramatic version!

I left my job because there were just 15 days left in the contract and I had other immediate and pressing engagements to attend to….not because I had the “You’re FIRED!” “NO! You can’t fire me because… I QUIT!” exchange in the movies which I find quite fascinating by the way. Plus I needed newness! I am telling you I think I should be given an honorary degree in internship… I’ve done internship after internship for about 27months in total and though I’m thankful for the lessons, I am praying for a good and permanent job. God knows how badly I need one! For real, I have been around this mountain for ages but I am trusting in his perfect timing. I am trusting that God is in the business of giving good and perfect gifts and not half baked cookies that will make me sick like crazy bosses or insane working environments.  I am sure soon I will be back here singing with all the gusto my 53kgs can muster, “Great is thy Faithfulness, Lord unto meeeeeeeee!” I can’t wait.

And then I cut my hair. I can’t believe I haven’t regretted it. I had cornrows and when I undid them my hair was so thin and weak. No offense to anyone but I would rather have a bald head than have some 12 strands of thin, damaged and unhealthy hair falling down my back in the name of long hair. So I cut it. I have done it before so the big chop wasn’t too hard. It is the getting ‘round to it that was tough.  I’ve wanted to do it for so long but kept thinking about what people will say or think…especially my hairdresser who was so attached. He almost wept when he saw me. Poor guy! I’ve gotten different reactions, some love it some almost hate me because “YOU CUT YOUR HAIR!??! Ngai! What’s wrong with you!?!” Hahaha! Anyway, I am now rocking a little natural afro and I love it completely.

It’s that coming together I guess, knowing that what makes me comfortable is way more important than what people say/think. Every one will always have an opinion, which is perfectly fine. But I am learning to have my own opinions and to revere and hold them in high esteem. My ‘fro is so much easier to manage and once in a while I can shampoo and treat it and have it smelling so nice and I get to shower like a mzungu plus not have to wear 3 shower caps… I’m not sure how I will manage it once it grows but we will cross that bridge when we get there. It’s just hair! It grows! 😉 And for that I am very thankful!

I am so excited and looking forward to turning 25 in April! I can’t wait. Unlike many women I am not afraid to age. I am so proud because I pray to grow wiser every year and so far, I have observed growth and change. In some areas I have grown in leaps and bounds and in some it’s been teeny weeny baby steps. My mind has changed so much, both from my experiences and those of others. I have grown to appreciate life and all its ups and downs now more than ever before. I feel like pieces of me are finding each other and my once foggy purpose is becoming clearer and clearer. This is what I call coming together.

I am so far from finished product. So far from being a complete puzzle but at least with God’s help I am realizing my potential and my worth. My journey has been amazing. I love life so much and the lessons I learn everyday, I deem priceless! I am convinced there are wonderful things hidden away for now and this hope keeps me joyful. I want to leave a legacy. Whitney Houston left a legacy.

Sure, there were some serious mistakes she made that largely contributed to/ were her downfall but for most of her life she was such a star and she shone so brightly! She did not waste her abilities and she brought hope and a smile to so many people. Perhaps because of these bad choices her story ended a little too soon but I say let he who has no sin cast the first stone. I hope she will be remembered for her music because she was all about love and like Bishop T.D. Jakes said during Whitney’s funeral service, Love is stronger than death and love will last forever because God is Love!

I leave you with these words from Bishop Jakes book The Lady, Her Lover and Her Lord ( which I recommend as a must read for every woman.)

There are many types of love. But the one we must begin with is the tantalizing allurement of the impassioned heart that enables us to love others. It is that passion that must start at home before it goes abroad…. It is a healthy mind that can celebrate itself. Then and only then can we determine whether we are loving others because we are so famished for love that we will settle for anyone or anything that gives to us what we should give to ourselves.

Light a candle, play a song, take a walk and meditate on your own accomplishments. Its is a poor hen that will not crow in her own nest.

Happy remaining days of this love month folks!

On my Playlist:

– Superwoman- Alicia Keys

– Woman- Raheeem De Vaughn

-Million Dollar Bill- Whitney Houston

-The Greatest Love of All- Whitney Houston

-My love is your Love- Whitney Houston

– The Beauty Within- Dead Prez

Aaaaannnd… I am not my Hair- India Arie ft.Akon