Good Riddance To A Cruel Master…

I didn’t think I would have time to do anything substantial outside work today. Let alone blog. I just finished putting together a long presentation on inheritance and succession. I worked late, slept thinking about it, woke up thinking about it…and finally, it’s done. Whew!

A few months ago I had this mini-epiphany: Fear is easier than faith.

Scientists say that humans are born with a total of two fears. The fear of falling and fear of loud noises.  When I read this i thought,  the most fearless people in the world should be matatu conductors. Jumping off of moving vehicles with music so loud it could blind you.

We unfortunately manage to learn a million other fears as we grow older.

Fear is a go-to-emotion. Faith is more than an emotion. It is substance, evidence. Fear cripples you. Faith causes you to move past the paralysis and walk. It’s easier to be crippled. Seemingly easier I should say. It’s easier to resign yourself to circumstances than to believe in things unseen. It’s easier to make excuses than muster the courage to step out, believe and do great things. It’s easier to stick to a status quo you’re uncomfortable with than be different or stand out.

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When you go with fear, “behave yourself” and do what you think everyone expects of you get the everyone’s nod but I can almost guarantee you, you will lose your soul.

When you take the road less traveled and go with faith, you gain your soul. It may take a while but if you truly believe in what you have, you gain other souls too!

Fear demands less of you than faith. And sadly, many people prefer to stay in their nice, warm comfort zone. I say do it afraid. For a long time I had serious stage fright. When I was younger, this did not exist. I was super confident and thrived among audiences. Somewhere along the way though, I lost it. I shook in my boots every time I had to address more than a few people.

I still get a bit nervous with crowds but I can proudly say that I am a lot better now. I take advantage and stand before people whenever I get the slightest opportunity. I have to unlearn the fear I picked up. I believe that I have important things to say-that are worth listening to!

I am really passionate about mentoring young girls (teenagers) and am currently working on a manual/curriculum for my mentorship program. Not because I was an excellent teenager. Haha… not close. Most of my teenage was shrouded by fear. I woke up afraid almost every single day of my high school life. I was afraid of the world, afraid to fail, afraid I was not beautiful enough… I had some serious identity issues and was depressed a lot! I hardly rebelled because I was lost somewhere inside my mind. My class performance was terrible. My parents were so concerned since I was a well above average student in primary school; topping the class in some subjects even. They took me to see a shrink who I doubt helped me much. (So yes, like Sheldon Cooper, my mother had me tested.)

Looking back, I can only attribute the re-birth of my confidence to my God. I sat at his feet often and begged him to let me see me as he does. And he did! By the time I went to campus to study Law (another miracle story for another day) my mojo was coming back. And it showed in my studies!

I challenge you today to turn your back on fear. Fear is a horrible master. No dues…ever. Do not allow yourself to continue being a slave. You are bigger. You are better. You can walk away.

Kirk Franklin – Hello Fear

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Worth the Watch :-)

Thought i’d make quick compilation of some of the videos I have really loved watching!  No particular order. Funny, weird, deep, cute…enjoy!

1. Kai 

He has got to be the most adorable 4 year old on the planet. He’s sooo achingly cute. I love his wit, his intensity when he starts to sing and how he can’t pronounce words properly “I should’a bought you fwowers…”.

2. Sophia Grace and Rosie

I keep thinking if I have a daughter there’s a chance she’ll turn out like Sophia Grace. I had almost as much energy as she does when I was little. And chubby as well. But Sophia Grace is her OWN kind of awesome…and she can actually sing! Then Rosie…the cute & clueless sidekick. Love their Brit accents too 🙂

3. The Evolution of Music- The Pentatonix

I love, love, love this one. It was so creatively done! After listening, I decided that I belong in the 50’s and 60’s… Music has clearly degenerated as the years have progressed 😦 Really fun to watch though!

4. Emeka

This guy reminds me of those retarded Idols auditions. He’s done some covers for some songs and he’s absolutely hilarious!

5. Kosher

Asking all ’em questions… ha! They way this guy contorts his face is like nothing I have ever seen. Too funny!

6. Brent Rice- A Crucifixion Type Love.

I first saw this video on Sylvia Wanza’s blog. I watch it from time to time because I believe it’s a great standard.  It has to be the best spoken word video I have seen so far. Followed closely by Jannette Ikz’s- “I will wait for you”. Deep stuff! 🙂

7. Julie Wang’ombe – A Poetic Re-introduction to Africa

I was awed watching this video. This young lady (only 22) is going places. She’s so articulate…and on point. Watch.

8. Susan Boyle

She is something else. Never judge a book by it’s cover. Just ask Simon Cowell 🙂

9. Tusker Project Fame – Samuel Gitau.

Remember this guy doing MJ’s Thriller??? Oh my goodness. Made me laugh until I cried… Description will do injustice to this one.

Watch. Cringe. Enjoy 🙂

10. Anne Kansiime

Ugandan drama queen. She’s not normal really…haha!

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When You’re Mad…

“Heaven has no rage like love to hatred turned, Nor hell a fury like a woman scorned,”

~ Zara in Act III, Scene VIII~

I am not a confrontational person. In fact I hate confrontation. I think this comes with being a sanguine. I do not get easily offended…and I like to think I have a high thresh-hold for irritation-especially in comparison to many women but when I do get angry,it’s not particularly pretty.

Through the years however, I have learnt that some people are the exact opposite of me…very confrontational and actually like to push buttons and see how much you can hold your peace. This is outrightly immature if you ask me. I do not understand why anyone would derive joy from seeing someone else seethe in fury.

The point of this blog-post though is a call-especially to us women folk, to learn/ improve the ways in which we express our feelings when we feel a line has been crossed. How do you express yourself when you’re upset? Do you shrug it off for the moment and bury it deep inside only to take it out on other people? Do you go with the urge to address everything on the spot regardless of the environment or audience? Do you go off in a corner and bawl your eyes out then come out smiling like nothing ever happened? Or are you a down right drama queen who loves a good shouting match?

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I think all the above are wrong ways of dealing with anger-even though many of us have used at least one of these methods. So how do you handle anger like a lady? I honestly think it is a skill. Something that’s learned over time and those little things we would rather not have. Tests. You see, you may go about life all happy and sunny side up but sooner or later something or some one will upset you. Maybe deliberately, mostly not. You feel your usual happy self seething and wanting to explode. You probably get into an argument and they say something that irritates you further. Ohhh…now we’re borderline rage. Your inner Kung-Fu Panda begins to rise up. Ok. Your inner Mr. T. You start to say things which in hindsight, you will certainly regret. Heck you let it all out! Gets really ugly. You probably win the argument and walk away with a little demon dancing on your shoulder and another one patting your back. The little demons make their exit it 3 minutes or 3 years later (depending on the gravity of the isssue) and evil Miss Guilt sets in with her great Aunt Regret. Was it even worth it?

Rarely is.

The Bible has got lots to say about anger;

  • Ephesians 4:26

    “In your anger do not sin”: Do not let the sun go down while you are still angry,  and do not give the devil a foothold.
  • James 1:19-20

    My dear brothers, take note of this: Everyone should be quick to listen, slow to speak and slow to become angry,  for man’s anger does not bring about the righteous life that God desires.
  • Proverbs 29:11

    A fool gives full vent to his anger, but a wise man keeps himself under control.
  • Proverbs 19:11

    A man’s wisdom gives him patience; it is to his glory to overlook an offense.Do not be quickly provoked in your spirit, for anger resides in the lap of fools.

I’ve learnt that in the heat of the moment, we are likely to magnify situations and things seem worse in our heads than they really are. This is why it is crucial to take a step back and desist from addressing the issue UNTIL you’ve had time to calm down and think things through. It is extremely difficult at that moment but I think with practice and God’s help you can get better at it. Communicate your disappointment calmly. Put forward your points in a good tone. One that you would like to be addressed with yourself. Think of this when you’re about to burst out in rage: I am about to make a fool of myself. Not worth it. Not worth it. Not worth it. Breathe. Bite your tounge. Whatever it takes. I usually silently go into Help me Jesus! Help me Jesus! Help me Jesus! mode. My friend says loudly Beauty In!..and breathes in… Nasty Out!..and breathes out. A little dramatic but if it works its good enough! LOL!

Also, I have realized that if you keep voicing anger upon every little irritation…people will not take you seriously. They’ll label you as petty and even when you DO have a valid argument, they will hear you shout but won’t listen.

Anger is an acid…wreaks havoc and destroys whatever it touches-especially the bearer. And I promise, you will get angry. But you can handle it like a boss. Learn the skill. Pass the tests!

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Motivation… More-tivation… Motii~vation

I wrote this post in November last year…but didn’t complete it…till today.

“Of course motivation is not permanent. But then, neither is bathing; but it is something you should do on a regular basis.”
~Zig- Ziglar~

I’ve been feeling like a deflated baloon at work of late. I am not sure why. I prayed for this job for sooo long…I should be powered up and ready to go! go! go! right?… I really do enjoy it. I like my boss, my colleagues are alright, my bank account…lets just say it’s sitting a little prettier in comparison to my internship days. I owe these things to God. I am thankful for them…but….why do I feel grrrr… another fat file…endless submissions and pleadings… Oh boy…

There’s an app on Facebook… God wants you to know… I find the messages a tad tacky sometimes but today this is what I got:

“On this day of your life, Joey, we believe God wants you to know … that you have no right to wish for more, until you fully appreciate what you already have. “It’s not the amount that matters, but the blessings you are able to receive from it. A slice of stale bread gives more to the beggar, than a new house to the rich. Everything you have has unending blessings for you hidden inside, – learn to receive them.”
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It made me feel guilty about my dreariness. I have all these things and people and lots to be thankful for but… i want more… I feel like some-thing’s missing. I don’t understand this season to be honest and after giving it some thought…and this may sound lame…haha… I don’t think its  more-tivation I need. Its just good old-fashioned MOTIVATION.
It is not a new outfit or shoes that will make this feeling go away.. It’s not a change of circumstances or me ending almost every sentence with a huge sigh and ” I neeed a vacation.” I don’t need a vacation. (I don’t think anyone’s ever actually admitted that! LOL!) I need encouragement… But sometimes you have no one but you to do it. I’m reminded of this verse in 1 Samuel 30:6…
“…And David was greatly distressed; for the people spoke of stoning him, because the soul of all the people was grieved, every man for his sons and for his daughters: but David encouraged himself in the LORD his God.”

I’m not big on cars… but I know I’m a Benz girl…stuck on Maclaren to be precise. I love how mercs say power and elegance all in one breath. When we were little my mother used to sing a song for us to wake up…(we did not need lullabies, getting to wake up was the rough part ha!). It had something about waking up to go to school so we could drive a nice car some day. This right here my friends…’ motii~vation’

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So fast forward 19th April 2013… I’m looking at my drafts here and I see this! Thing is, once again, I’m having that meh! dreary feeling today. I rolled out of bed this morning and begged God to wake my brain up as I made my bed. Just yesterday I was talking to a friend about how hard it has become to spend time with God in the morning because somehow my eyes are too heavy, my sleepy head wanders too much and I just end up feeling like i’m being punished. I have since resolved to stick to doing my devotions before bed, which definitely works better for me.

5 months down the line, a few pairs of new shoes and fabulous vacation later, I have found that the secret is still the same revelation I had back then. We need to keep encouraging ourselves and stay consistently motivated. Discipline is also vital in trying to hold things together. (Boy am I blogging to myself!). I have found that once you let one thing fall by the way- side, say a work-out routine, it has a domino effect on so many other aspects of life. You notice sluggishness here and there and lethargy and procrastination sneak up on you like a thief in the night but you cannot stop fighting. The struggle is real BUT chin up. We are more than conquerors!

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Woah! Man!

It is exactly 6 months since I blogged. I am not going to promise that I am baaaaaaaaaaaaack and will be blogging more often. Naaah… I have failed you on that promise twice before…. More than twice huh? If you’re counting you need to get a new hobby already! 😛 Shout out to a couple of buddies who challenged me to start writing again. Challenged accepted.

I turned 26 last Friday. 26. That’s just 3 years shy of being 3 decades old.

image courtesy of firstb0rn.wordpress.com

image courtesy of firstb0rn.wordpress.com

When I was younger I was a lot more feistier than I am now. My daddy told me often that I was going to become great like Margaret Thatcher/ Indira Gandhi. I am 26. Margaret Thatcher died last week….and though I admired her strength and classic Brit prim and properness, I will never be like the late great Margaret Thatcher. I do not consider myself an ‘iron lady’. I think that’s an oxymoron. Iron Lady. Sorry daddy. I am much too sanguine for iron. I am bubbly and sullen, spirited and soft, spontaneous and cautious- with a little more won’t power than will-power. I am my own cocktail of greatness.

When you turn 26, or at least for me, it hit hard that I am not a child anymore. I will never be one ever again and I would never be excused for acting like one. I would never even excuse myself.

When I was a child, I spoke and thought and reasoned as a child. But when I grew up, I put away childish things. – 1st Corinthians 13:11

I once heard a preacher say that when Eve was presented to Adam by God for the first time, he was so amazed, he exclaimed “whoa! man!” And that is how she became known as Woman. I am a woman. W.O.M.A.N.! Haha! Whew! Child bearing, home keeping, husband ready, boardroom wow-ing, grown, graceful, responsible, strong, courageous, interceeding, wise woman. That’s the picture in my head of what a woman should be. One of my older friends remarked recently, “…being a woman is a tall order!” I agree.

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Thing is, I feel so very inadequate in most of these areas. I don’t know if anyone is ever 100% ‘husband ready’ or prepared to be another little human’s ‘everything’. My career is only just taking off… and I have all these blurry, mammoth dreams that I am so eager to make sense of.

Still, I am thankful. So thankful for the far I have come in this life journey. I am still discovering myself and as much as I get impatient sometimes, I rest in the fact that my Creator has good plans for me and will be faithful to complete the work he began in me. I am confident that as long as I try to stay in step with Him, the dance, even though not flawless, will remain beautiful.

image courtesy of www.macjams.com

image courtesy of http://www.macjams.com

I hope to leave a legacy. A signature. I hope to touch and possibly change lives. I am deeply consoled by the fact that He has already been using me, even with my imperfections. He is using you too.

Love this fan-made video of Beyonce’s I was here.

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